Thoughts and one-liners

Being first is a good start.

Some people blame the media for the sexualisation of teenagers, I blame the pituitary gland.

Its was very sad, the marriage had the most tragic ending of all: one of them died.

All firms will go out of business, but some will out-live you.

People can thrive without being a member of a religion, but religions go extinct without members, so we know who needs whom.

Of all the religions that people have had through the ages, the vast majority are now extinct.

He was so unsuccessful, the women found him unattractive,
she was so successful, the men found her unattractive,
when they met, they both chose celibacy rather than each-other.

Take everything away from a man and he'll still be able to have happy days. Give him everything he wants and he'll still be able to have miserable days.

The military commander did not know the meaning of the word retreat. It lead to awful confusion.

The difference between an expert and an ordinary person is a few words of terminology.

I know what those advertisers are up to, but unfortunately they understand how my mind works so much better than I do theirs.

All that I know of him is what I learnt while making up the wikipedia article about him.

I prefer watching live sport rather than Shakespeare's Hamlet, because the emotions of the players are real rather than faked by actors and I don't know what's going to happen at the end.

If there is a law in the US banning gay couples from forming a marriage contract, then one solution would be to drop an 'r'. Gays could form a (single 'r') mariage contract. So the effect of the law would be to ban gays from using a particular spelling.

To suggest that the responsibility for the problems in Africa is not with the Africans is condescending to them.

I don't watch reality TV, because when I want to hear opinionated, illinformed people talk nonsense, I enjoy meeting my own friends down the pub.

All the other artists were being very different and original, so to blend in and be accepted, I had to do the same.
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How to stop a speeding train:

First World war approach:
Get 20,000 men onto the track, packed tightly, each linking arms with their neighbour. Any men who refuse will be shot for cowardice.

Second World war approach:
Bomb the line from a plane, killing many of the passengers and people who live near the track.

The thinking man's approach:
Switch the signal light from green to red.